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from i will never be beautiful enough to make us beautiful together by mira gonzalez
“
I stayed in bed for over an hour
looked at things on my phone
I felt slightly anxious about nothing particular
I walked downstairs and poured coffee into a jar
I asked a person on the internet if I should take drugs
I took drugs before the person had time to respond
I feel alienated by people who express concern about me without
defining their concern in terms of a specific solution or goal
I dont feel comforted by the idea of an afterlife
I dont want to continue experiencing things after I die
I want someone to pull my hair because I like the idea of someone
controlling my head without touching my head
what is the difference between being an independent person
and being a person who is accepting of loneliness
(Source: commovente)
Tao Lin reading at Museum of Modern Art
video by Mira Gonzalez, poem (some of my happiest moments in life occur on AOL instant messenger) from you are a little bit happier than i am (Action Books, 2006)
I’m preparing myself for an extended period of loneliness
That will begin very soon I think
I’ve illegally downloaded two new depressing songs
I’ve placed a copy of Good Morning, Midnight under my pillow for easy reference
I’ve printed out the tablature for every Morrissey song I know so I can sing them to myself
Alone in my room
Just a few things are needed really
To make me calm
While I figure out a simple, clean, and effective way to kill myself,
With minimal stress for the person who has to find and dispose of my body
But I’ll probably never think of a way
Because I’ll probably never kill myself
I’ll just lie in my bed suffocating myself with my pillows
While listening to the four songs you said were your favorite
And maybe burn myself a little with the iron
On special occasions
And the next time I’m in a subway station,
I’ll stand a little further on the yellow line
Or maybe the next I’m at your apartment
I’ll try a little harder— Ellen Kennedy, from Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs.
“Jean Rhys” poem by Ellen Kennedy, read by me. The usual deal. (Click title link for text source; click here for image source).
