“Essentially alone with his misery, Cheever began hoarding pills in the drawer of his bedside table, until one day he blurted out that he was “frightened” while lunching with Don Ettlinger: “I wake up at night and I’m calling out ‘Daddy, Daddy, help me,’ and I’ve never called anybody Daddy in my whole life.” He also told Ettlinger about the pills, which helped; afterward the thought of suicide began to seem “less important,” and he decided to see a psychiatrist.”

(Source: 19841979, via popserial)

“…i wanted to disappear so badly that i went home
and took eight of those really strong sleeping pills that you gave me
i slept for fifteen hours and then woke up
and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror
my hair looked huger than ever”