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“hearing ‘bohemian rhapsody’ always makes me insanely happy
i have no idea what ‘bohemian rhapsody’ means, but ‘bohemian rhapsody’ is extremely sure of what it means”
Megan Boyle, Selected Unpublished Blog Posts of a Mexican Panda Express Employee(Source: lookatallthisstuff)
“
i don’t know how to react when someone touches me, unless we’re about to have sex
a world where i only have to touch people if we’re romantically involved is ideal for me. it would be nice to never have to coordinate a hand-shake or fist-bump or ‘hello/goodbye hug’ ever again.
that will be my new year’s resolution: don’t touch anyone
is that insane? that seems insane but it makes a lot of sense to me
i like touching people when i’m drunk
a parody of myself when drunk would be me lying on someone’s lap, touching their face really slowly with no objective
” selected unpublished blog posts of a mexican panda express employee by Megan Boyle(Source: beeftown)
Boyle’s Brains - Ways to Improve Basketball
Since living the cliché of doughy, lonely preteen, I’ve felt a similarly clichéd aversion to sports. Sophomore year of college, I went to my first basketball game with a group of well-meaning friends. I think I ate nachos the entire time and said, “Does that mean it’s over?” whenever the audience cheered. Now I know the only reason for my boredom was my stubborn resistance to paying attention. This winter I started watching basketball with my boyfriend. I’ve discovered it’s actually really fun to pretend the world is a rectangle where ten giant men fight each other to move the most important object back and forth and through nets. When the other team has the ball it’s bad, because they can score points against you, but it’s good when your team has it, because then you can score points against the other guys. Whoever scores the most points wins. It’s good when your team wins. As captivating as this formula is, I’ve thought of some ways to make games more exciting.
Eavesdropping Option
All members of Team A and Team B, including coaches and referees, will be equipped with wireless microphone headsets and assigned a personal channel on a radio frequency. Under every seat in the arena will be a set of headphones and small radio receiving voice transmissions from the microphones. Game-goers can tune into any channel they want. Fans at home can buy a special digital box to enjoy the eavesdropping feature.Substance Day
One game per season will be played under the influence of whatever legal or illegal substance a team wants, to whatever degree they want to be “on” it. The substance(s) must be kept private until the end of the game.Dad Overtime
In the event of a tie, all members of Team A and Team B will be swapped out for their dads. If a dad is deceased or otherwise absent, his son may choose a surrogate dad. If no surrogate dads are available, the son must try to gain points for his team by complaining about his dad on the FanCam. If a son complains about anything other than his dad his team will be penalized.
I interviewed author Megan Boyle about her latest adventures.
“looked in mirror to see if i looked noticeably fatter from eating chipotle yesterday, kind of looked a little fatter”
selected unpublished blog posts of a mexican panda express employee by Megan Boyle(Source: alllllllllliiiii)
“Avoid wearing too much denim. Keep dental floss in your purse. Do not scream when bees zoom past your ear. Do not scream at the post office for no reason. Do not scream in the Arby’s drive-thru line when you realize that not only will you die alone, you’re no longer hungry.
Be open about your personal life, but do not accidentally tell the story of how you drank two bottles of wine and awoke on the kitchen floor to the smell of burning noodles on the stove. Limit your drinking to one night a week, unless you are with other people. If you notice you haven’t showered in six days or left your apartment in four, take a shower. After your shower, fall asleep for twelve hours. When people ask where you’ve been, say “Mexico.”
Megan Boyle, “How to Make Friends and Convince Them You Are Someone Fun and Not Insane and Worth Inviting Next Time“ via Thought Catalog.(Source: sandychang)
Kevin Wilson via Barnes & Noble’s “Discover Great New Writers” recommends Megan Boyle’s selected unpublished blog posts of a mexican panda express employee
“if other people didn’t exist i wouldn’t worry if i was interesting or not”
Megan Boyle, selected unpublished blog posts of a mexican panda express employee
(Source: theswonderfulthings)
“SUNDAY/MONDAY MADNESS” SALE
Until 11:59PM Eastern tomorrow (Monday) all Muumuu House books are $6 each (free shipping for domestic orders, add $3/book for international orders):
- DURING MY NERVOUS BREAKDOWN… by Brandon Scott Gorrell
- SELECTED UNPUBLISHED BLOG POSTS… by Megan Boyle
- SOMETIMES MY HEART PUSHES MY RIBS by Ellen Kennedy
Simply PayPal muumuuhouse@gmail.com and specify which books you want in what combination. Order as many as desired. Orders exceeding $18 will receive a special gift.
This will be Muumuu House’s final sale for 2012. Thank you for your time/consideration.
Sincerely,
